Honeymoon [Lustig gemeinter OS von saturday und Z.ahra]

B: Edward? Where in Aro's beard are you taking me?
E: …you´re waaaay too interesting
B: *punch*
E: Oh my god! My face. My PRETTY face…
B: Edward, I'm sorry, now I broke my hand, but i had to hit you! I think there's some problem with your mind!
B: No, Edward, that’s not you! YOU are much more decent. I think some ghosts live inside your body. I don't want to sleep with ghosts…ugh…
E: You don´t want to…??? But, why? I´m SO PRETTY!!! Ain´t I pretty enough???
B: Well, you ARE pretty enough, but…WAIT. There's something…there's a boil on your nose!
E: NOOOOO!!! *depri*
B: Red and disgusting! I thought your body wasn't living? Did you lie to me?
E: It´s a pimple. Why do i have pimples? OMG.
B: That's what I'm asking you.
E: I mean. I´m dead (and pretty, of course).
B: I CANNOT sleep with a guy who has pimples! I CANNOT sleep with someone who shares his body with ghosts!
E: But with that wolfbugger you could???
B: He doesn't have pimples…that's the only criterion.
E: But he isn´t pretty at all!
B: Oh yes he is.
E: No.
B: YES.
E: No…
…
B: Edward? Did I hurt you?
E: Yes.
B: I'm sorry! Please take me baaaack *sob*
E: You hurt my heart. *would cry if he could*
B: Oh my gosh, I hurt your - which heart?
E: The center of my feelings!
B: But it’s DEAD. You have to realize that eventually.
E: Well. I still HAVE TO have a heart. Otherwise I couldn´t love you
B: No. Love is about your mind. Your heart's only job is to make the blood circle through your veins. Didn't you study biology on the university?
E: Have a heart and soul and body, let´s see what this love can dooo…baby i´m perfect for you *sings* …of course I did. But…try to be a little bit more romantic!
B: Oh, that's what you want? Okay, then, I’ll try to be a little bit more gooey.
E: Gooey…
B: Edward, one and only, most beautiful, loving and amazing creature of this world, I'm willing to give you my body, my sould and my mind now and forever. Where's the bed?
E: Behind the strange-looking door over there!
B: Oh! Let’s get in RIGHT NOW! What are you waiting for?
E: Come on, oh my adorable Bella!
B: Oh! Stop!
E: What?
B: It's either "sorry" or "pardon", darling! So, what did you say?
E: Pardon...
B: Nice. Very nice indeed. So, what I wanted to know. Is there any chance of getting pregnant?
E: I don´t think so…won´t be a problem.
B: Why? Are you impotent?
E: Because I don’t have any bodyliquids.
B: That's…a problem, because…eehh how shall I explain…you will need blood to make the THING work.
E: Oh…
B: I'm sorry
E: I said, I´ll try!
B: Okay…it's senseless, but maybe you think that's romantic…let's try.
E: Moooment…YOU wanted to do it!
B: Yeah i wanted, but i thought you would be so kind and inform me about your possibilities.
E: You knew, but you really want a child, don´t you?
B: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES…a little Edward…a little, cute Edward…*sing*
E: Well…
B: We could adopt a cute child and kill it and change it
E: I´ll tell you a secret…
B: What's the secret?
E: Before Carlisle bit me, I had frozen some sperms!
B: You didn't!
E: I DID. We could use them!
B: Oh my gosh.
E: I hope they are still alive.
B: You knew I would come eventually, didn't you? That’s so romantic, Edward.
E: Oh, I love you, Bella!
B: Let's try!
E: YES!
B: *try*
E: *try too*
B: *try harder*
E: *try faster*
B: Edward?
E: Yes?
B: Do you think it would help if I take my clothes off?
E: Maybe…I’m not sure…
B: Let's try *try*
E: *tries too* WAIT!
B: Hmhmhhhm?
E: Should I take my clothes off too??
B: O PLEASE DO THAT!
E: Mkay *does*
B: I'm shocked you didn't till now *goes on trying*
E: Emmett doesn´t like it if I run around naked. So one time, he punched me in my pretty face! *tries*
B: Chrm…Edward, love?
E: Bella, honey?
B: I said the blood stuff would be problematic…
E: Yes?
B: …I was right…
E: *feeling un-male*
B: You know what?
E: No.
B: Haha. Right. You can't read my mind. Haha. I'd feel bad about that in your place. No. Just kidding. Ehh...i forgot what i wanted to say...Ugh. You're dazzling me, a***.
E: *feeling un-vampirelike* I´m sad. I´ll go to kill some "animals"…
B: OH! No I remember: I can't replace your missing self-esteem, nor can I repair your ruffled ego, but what I wanted to say is: We are on a higher intellectual level. We don't need sex.
E: But if it´s your desire…let´s get some sperm!
B: Noooooo, silly…that's not what i meant.
E: I was serious.
B: I know, but, what i meant is…
E: Is...?
B: We could do...”dirty talk” or what's the crap called?
E: Or sado maso!!
B: No I like SM, but you're too virginlike. I would feel like a rapist.
E: No, wait. Wouldn´t work anyway. You can´t hurt me and I would kill you…*sad*
B: So what about dirty talk?
E: Alright.
B: I begin: MUD.
…
B: Do you feel so hot instantly, too?
E: Extremely. Wanna get dirty?
B: Go on. It's your turn.
E: Slobber.
B: Iiiiiiiiihhhh that sounds good, too. But i still do have the
atomic bomb in dirty talking…
…
B: I have to wait…
E: Come off it!
B:…to make it…more exciting…Ähm you do speak German, don't you? Because it's not English…
E: Alright…
B: Gashydrathaltige sulfatreduzierende Gpifluoressenz!
E: Bella! I´m shocked!
B: Hehe.
…
B: So? Did it work?
E: Yeah.
B: You…did?
E: What?
B: Chrmchrm. And it’s „PARDON”.
E: No. It isn´t.
B: Sure it is.
E: Nooo. I’m older than you!
B: Aaaand? What does that tell us? That you're greyer, impotenter and…more boring?
E: When i lived, the people spoke different English! …And you smell like a werewolf!
B: Shut up, bloodsucker! I learned that word from Jake. I'm even able to spell it. What do say NOW?
E: Apple-polisher.
B: Well, that's…creative. You won. But you also lost. ME.
E: I still have my sperm!
B: Well, I wish you two a lucky and happy life.
E: Oh. We´ll have…Excuse me, I´m going to kill Jak-...a spider. *runs away*